“Delivery is the culmination of a sexual act”—Lauralyn Curtis
Luckily not every sexual act has to result in delivery! But when it does, pregnancy and the anticipation of a new baby can be a wonderful challenge. One challenge and opportunity is continuing to maintain a strong and healthy sexual relationship during pregnancy. Fluctuating hormones, an ever-changing body, fatigue, and anxiety about the unknown of becoming a parent are a few likely reasons why couples experience changes and challenges to their sexual relationship [1]. But people get through this and here are a few strategies that can help.
First, is understanding how physical changes correspond to changes in sexual relationships. The first and third trimesters typically involve the most change for women and their bodies—the first (and some say worst!) often involves nausea (“morning sickness”) and the third fatigue and discomfort from carrying an ever-growing baby. These trimesters match the greatest declines in sexual intercourse, whereas the frequency of sexual intercourse in the second trimester is affected less by pregnancy [2]. Setting realistic expectations about sex is critical. The key is to make each other a priority and talk about needs, emotions, and what the future holds.
Second, is understanding that other sexual behaviors besides intercourse play an important role in sexual relationships. Sexual intercourse is a favorite part of sexual relations for many couples [3] and is safe during pregnancy [4]. However, sex may not be enjoyable or feasible at times during pregnancy. Many pregnant couples don’t have intercourse each sexual experience [1], likely because they are creative and adaptive. Depending on preferences, behaviors such as kissing, massaging, cuddling, using hands for stimulating genitals and sexually exciting areas, oral sex, and other behaviors can play an important role for couples during pregnancy and in sex generally. Couples can creatively explore what sexual behaviors they can engage in together, in addition to intercourse, to strengthen their sexual relationship.
Third, is showing empathy towards one another when it comes to sexual relationships and pregnancy. Even when couples are creative and attentive to each other’s needs, they may still experience declines in sexual satisfaction. Here is where a little old-fashioned patience comes in. This phase of your relationship is temporary. Use a little more empathy and compassion. Research indicates that showing empathy towards your partner can help with transitions around sexual relationships [5], like pregnancy. Some of the challenges to sexual relations during pregnancy are shared by both partners while some are unique to each partner. Being in tune with the unique challenges—and providing support—will likely lead to stronger relationships generally and better adjustment around sexual relations. Empathy will be especially important as the woman nears delivery. A funny quote sums this up, “Months have an average of 30 days, except the 9th month of pregnancy, which has about 1,000 days.”
Fourth, is maintaining a holistic view of sexual relationships. A colleague of mine once suggested that sex has an even more encompassing purpose than simple bonding or bringing a child into the world—and that larger purpose is growth. When viewed through this lens, pregnancy is an opportunity for growth for the individual, for the couples’ relationship, and for their family.
Couples sacrifice to bring a baby into the world. However, they need not sacrifice intimacy in their sexual relationship. As couples understand the normal challenges of pregnancy, consider creative sexual behaviors besides intercourse, show empathy, and keep a holistic view of sexual relationships in mind, they will forge a deeper and more meaningful connection. Pregnancy is challenging, but the rewards—including the unmatched gift of a new child—are worth the costs.
David B. Allsop is a doctoral student in psychology and neuroscience at Dalhousie University under the supervision of Natalie Rosen. His research focuses on healthy sexual relationships in long-term committed relationships over the life course, primarily in terms of how couples have healthy and satisfying sexual relationships during times of heightened stress. He received his master’s degree in marriage, family, and human development from Brigham Young University in 2020 under the supervision of Chelom Leavitt.
- Jawed-Wessel, S., et al., The Impact of Pregnancy and Childbirth on Sexual Behaviors: A Systematic Review. The Journal of Sex Research, 2017. 54(4-5).
- von Sydow, K., Sexuality during pregnancy and after childbirth. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 1999. 47(1).
- Diamond, L. in International Association for Relationship Research. 2019. Ottowa, ON, Canada.
- Brown, H.L., et al., A review of the implications and impact of pregnancy on sexual function. Current Sexual Health Reports, 2008. 5(1).
- Rosen, N.O., et al., Dyadic Empathy Predicts Sexual and Relationship Well-Being in Couples Transitioning to Parenthood. J Sex Marital Ther, 2017. 43(6).