Did you know that the way you feel about your body directly shapes how your child will feel about theirs? From their first wide-eyed discovery of their own hand, your child is learning how to see themselves, and your example becomes their mirror.
As parents, our openness to and attitudes toward the subjects of our bodies and sexuality strongly correlate with how our child will feel and think about these important topics. Communication about these topics should be ongoing and natural, just as we talk with our children about family plans for the weekend. A study done at the American Academy of Pediatrics found that children who discussed bodies and sexuality with their caregivers more often tended to perceive a closer bond with them [i]. Additionally, they experience a healthier bond with themselves.
So, how do we achieve this? Here is a general guide to age appropriate discussions that we can implement:
Understanding and Terminology:
From the very beginning of a child’s life, we can instill the value of respect for our body and other’s bodies. Use the correct terminology to describe body parts to your child. Children feel better about their bodies when they have access to adequate vocabulary, especially of the sexual organs, which encourages them to be more comfortable talking about sex healthily in the future [ii]. If you notice your child trying to understand their body, including touching themselves, remember that their curiosity is natural, and be cautious about how you respond. Teach about appropriate touching of the self and others, free of underlying tones of judgment or messages of shame.
Bonus Tip: Pair anatomical terms with age-appropriate picture books or anatomy diagrams during bath time or bedtime stories. Repetition in a relaxed setting helps the words feel natural, not taboo.
Establish a Comfortable and Open Atmosphere:
We have the opportunity to engage curiosity rather than fear in our children. How would you respond if your little one asked you a question you weren’t quite expecting yet, such as, “Why do boys and girls have different parts?” Rather than shaming them for their natural curiosity, try saying, “That is a great question! I am glad you are curious about bodies!” Questions should always be encouraged and responses should be tailored to the child’s age and maturity [iii]. Trust your gut when it comes to the extent of information your child needs– you know them best. As you consistently demonstrate openness, you will be seen as a trustworthy and good source of reliable information.
Bonus tip: If you don’t know how to respond to a question right away, it’s totally okay to say, “I want to give you a good answer—can we talk about this tonight after dinner?” Just make sure you follow up, so they know you’re not going to put them off.
Basic Mechanics:
Many parents don’t see their six to ten year olds as developmentally ready to learn about the basic mechanics of sex, but an age-appropriate conversation is very beneficial [iv]. This initial discussion can offer them a healthy attitude about sexuality before other influences enter in and bombard them with confusing or incorrect messages. Emphasize the importance of emotional and relational aspects of intimacy, along with addressing the physical aspects. Keep the environment relaxed, encouraging a dialogue as opposed to a monologue, and you will become a dependable source.
Bonus tip: Talk only about healthy sexuality here, and do not mix in body safety. These topics need to be addressed on separate occasions, otherwise it can promote the idea that healthy sex is dangerous or something to fear.
Maintaining Regular Communication:
Ongoing communication leads to better outcomes for both children and parents. As you continue to have conversations with your child, adapting to their growth, these discussions will feel more natural and comfortable for both parties, and will strengthen your bond. The more frequent your conversations, the more confidence you will gain in your role as a guide, equipped with the skills you need to effectively help your child [v].
Bonus tip: Create a low-pressure “talk time” tradition—like a weekly walk, drive, or bedtime check-in—where anything can be brought up, including body changes, relationships, or questions about sex. Keep it consistent and casual, rather than a “one big talk” vibe.
To my fellow caregiver: you’ve got this! You won’t do this perfectly, and that’s completely okay. With consistent efforts, you will see the wonderful impact you have on your child. Keep trying, genuinely supporting your little one to the best of your ability, and they will appreciate your efforts in the long-run. Work on implementing these tips, one at a time. I promise you will see the difference.
Isabella Mendez, an Alaskan-born Latina, has a profound appreciation for family, community, and cultural connection. Currently studying Human Development at BYU, she is dedicated to pursuing a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy to help strengthen relationships and foster emotional well-being. Outside of her studies, Bella finds joy in dancing, reading, baking, traveling, and creating meaningful memories with those she loves.
[i] Martino, S. C., Elliott, M. N., Corona, R., Kanouse, D. E., & Schuster, M. A. (2008). Beyond the “Big Talk”: The roles of breadth and repetition in parent-adolescent communication about sexual topics. Pediatrics, 121(3). https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2007-2156
[ii] Goldman, J. (2014). The importance of an adequate sexual vocabulary for children. Australian Journal of Marriage and Family, 11(3), 136–148. https://doi.org/10.1080/1034652x.1990.11004418
[iii] Padilla-Walker, L. M., Jankovich, M. O., Archibald, C., Workman, K., Chojnacki, N., & Calley, A. (2024). Building blocks of parent-child sex communication: Body talk during infancy and early childhood. The Journal of Sex Research, 1–14. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2024.2404641
[iv] Flores, D., & Barroso, J. (2017). 21st century parent–child sex communication in the United States: A process review. The Journal of Sex Research, 54(4–5), 532–548. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2016.1267693
[v] Teo, S., & Morawska, A. (2021). Communicating with children about sexuality: A randomised controlled trial of a brief parenting Discussion Group. Journal of Child and Family Studies. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-021-01948-w